Searching...

Your charm, your smile, that curve in your lips, that shine in your eyes

I wander from one to another, searching...for that something.. that's part of you

Wanting to recreate you in anonymous faces

And meaningless touches

Then with a startle, I remember;

The menace in those eyes; the deceit behind those smiles

And then suddenly I can't remember

What I had set out to search

You or Me; or the dream that was US!

The Ocean

You stand there admiring me
You stand there wondering
Whether to wet your feet in the waves that are me
You stand there wondering if I am as calm as I seem

Then you come closer, one step at a time
First with doubting movements
and then with sure confidence

You stand there waiting for me to come to you
I gently kiss your feet
I see you smile

The warmth of me
the tingling sense of the withdrawing sand beneath your feet
Then you bend down
more confident this time
to splash some water off me

When you do that, some drops land on your lips
You taste them
They are salty

And then you know
that this is no ordinary ocean
It's a vast barren land, filled with tears
The Ocean that's me!!

Choosing Me

Baby, I love you
But I must go
Baby, I am not walking away from you
Baby, I am walking away from the ugliness
From the heartache and the deceit
From the lies and this golden cage
Baby, I am not walking away from you,
I am walking towards peace of being,
Towards truth, space, freedom
Towards enchantment, mystery
Baby, I am not walking away from You,
I am walking towards ME!
Baby, I always chose you
But today I am choosing ME!

An Ode to What I was

I was never the weed that gave you a high
I was the roots that held you to the ground;

I was never the designer wear
I was the well worn, faded T-Shirt, familiar and comfortable;

I was never the party, never the disco
I was the later night evening chats, mindless yet soulful;

I was never the soaring heights, the skydive, the adrenaline rush,
Baby, I was the ROAD that led you home... 

To Do List

It is important to have a to do list.. a list that lets you prioritize, the list that you can turn to when you know there are many things pending but can't put your finger on. It is also a list that tells you how lazy you have been, how you have ignored all those important things for all this while. Hey! may be those things were not important after all. Cause, if they were, they wouldn't be pending for so long. So I have this to do list which I am going to make public because I need to tell myself that these are really, really important for me. And the reason I am making them public is tomorrow when I look at it see some of them pending or all of them pending I need to feel horrible about myself for having not done all those things that I publicly declared I would do.

So my list goes something like this:-
1................................I don't know... I need to revisit this

Reading "I am Ozzy"

I have never been a fan of rock songs.. for a very longtime I wasn't even capable of distinguishing rock songs from the pop songs. I had grown up listening to melody and bollywood songs. yeah!! thats right!!

Now the first time I was exposed to rock songs were when I met hubby dearest.. of course he was a friend at that point of time. He would not stop talking about Ozzy the greatest. And yes, he was shocked beyond his wits to know that I had not heard about Ozzy before. Well my tryst with Ozzy and rock songs started since I became friends with my hubby. I slowly got the hang of rock songs and metal bands. And I actually started enjoying them. Well! not all of them, but atleast most of them. 

Recently, I came across an autobiography of Ozzy Osbourne and I ordered it online with the intention of gifting it to hubby. After going through the first few pages, I got totally hooked on to it and now I can't bring myself to keep it down. Its one hell of a f%%@#% book I must say. What I like about it is, its honest, not at all polished and does not grind words. While I am really loving it and will let you know more about it when I am done with it.. Happy Reading to me..Muah!!

Dental Scares

There is something that I forgot to share with you guys!! and girls.... Finally, I made it to the Dentist's place....yes finally.........its a big deal for me (having never visited a Dentist before and having listened to all the gory stories from people who have been there before me)......... But I really am happy I did it...Well it wasn't that bad...in fact it went on pretty well. The doctor having realized my aversion for the Dentists in general made me feel comfortable and sane before he explained that I had nothing to worry about and all that I needed was a badly needed clean up. Now that I am done with scaling and have had all my tartar out I fee more confident about going to a dentist again..

Shop till you drop

A friend posted on her wall about this social networking site and was all praises for it and the books bought through it. That was when I first googled to find out what that site was about. I learnt that it was an online shop selling different items at discounted rates.. Now I am someone who is a bit vary of carrying out transactions through online modes. So initially I did not fall for the lure of the discounted prices.. But destiny took its own course and I had to give in to the never ending craving for shopping... I soon realized that shopping online was as pleasurable as the actual shopping if not more (atleast for me). And you have the option of window shopping (using Windows application) okay I know..that was a bad joke... I have been sitting for hours and browsing various items.. most of which I do not need and would never use.. But then which woman is known to have focused on the items which she intends to buy.. or are there any? And now its official.. I am addicted to online shopping. I browse through these websites every single day.. end up buying something or the other. Where earlier I restricted myself to one particular site, I have expanded my horizons by exploring and risking operations on various other sites. Risking, because when I start off I am not even so sure that these are genuine sites and I would actually end up getting my products. But I have come to trust almost all of these websites and find it easy, convenient and pleasurable. Is this what you call coming of age. 

Good to be back...

Feels to good to be back after a long while... You see my last post was in the month of May 2009. Well now I am back and back for good. I had almost given up on blogging. I just didn't find the time and when I found the time I just couldn't write (or rather type). It was super hectic on work front with a lot of matters coming up one after the other. And I was doing this balancing act trying to give priority to my work, home, life all at the same time.. I even contemplated quitting job.. Well that was how hard it was. But I am glad I didn't and I am glad I still have a job , a place to come to every morning and do what I always loved doing...Not to forget the pay check that comes in at the end of every month that makes life a better and more comfortable journey...

We are juggling so many things at the same time and sometimes you wonder how good a juggler you are...

Anyways I am glad I am back and hope 2010 will be a good blogging year for me...

Going Home

Here I am...after a long break..Work has been hectic..very hectic. It has sapped away all my energy and left me exhausted...So I managed to convince myself to take a break and went on a little vacation... to my hometown in Kerala (India).

I went to all these beaches and just whiled away my time doing nothing... gorged on the food prepared by mom...celebrated our new year (called Vishu) with my family. Had an amazing time in all. But the difficult part was letting it all go and come back to a city thats overcrowded knowing that you will be very soon lost in this crowd... but one has to, we are all part of the rat race called life.....

It was so amazing...home is a wonderful place to be. All the wonderful and luxurious amenities of a five star hotel cannot replace the warmth of a home. Someone said it well when he/she said "house is made of bricks and stones, home is made of love alone".

All that one has is memories...Right now I am holding to them tight...very tight

Here I am....

Ha... so Here I am ....and this is me.........(I know what u r thinking).... Well I know its been a long long time since I last blogged and believe me I really missed it.....I was so caught up with work.. We are one of the lucky few people who are flodded with work even in these difficult times. So I am not complaining...But last few weeks have certainly been very stressful and blogging is certainly one of the ways to release my stress..oooh

So lot of things have been happening in and around Bangalore in the past few weeks...Most importantly lot of innocent women are being attacked by crazy men apparently for dressing in western clothes. Now who the hell gives them the right to judge what is appropriate and inappropriate dressing? But I am sure none of those hooligans were hoping for any confirmation from anyone...They like to do their own thing and expect to get away with it because they have money or belong to some influential family.....Its a shame on us that we are tolerant of such people and actually do nothing about it....Its nothing but Talibanisation

Now coming to Talibanisation it was totally disturbing to see those maniacs go on a rampage in Pakistan and attack all those innocent cricket players...This gives India and the world more than enough reasons to worry about our own security...after all Pakistan is our neighbour and any disturbance in their ploitical, social set up will have a direct impact on us...........

Feels like heaven

I have been expecting some comments on my blog since the day I posted my first blog...But i havent received any as of yet. This could mean several things.... Firstly that no one particularly out here shares my experiences or thoughts....Secondly..readers find me silly (which I may be to an extent)...Third I don't know to market myself.. fourth....readers are not intellectually stimulated enough to identify with my blogs (which is by the way an excuse all bad writers give)...So let me stick to the last one and feel good about myself.

I feel one of the reasons bloggers blog on a public forum such as this is that they like to share their experiences and thoughts with public in general. They love to hear what people have to say about their experiences. Some unfortunate ones like me get no response. But I am happy that I am expressing myself, that I am writing after a long break..When I read all that i have written on earlier ocassions I feel good...Its like maintaining a diary (that can be read by the entire world)...but still its good...cool...'Feels like heaven' as the punchline of a famous ad goes. So whether somebody like it or not, whether fellow bloggers respond or not...I am going to continue blogging.

The Hair Cut!!!

Oh this weekend was good! The highlight of it being the hair cut.. Yes! after a long long time (precisely after 9 months), after a lot of contemplation, after a lot of ‘should’ or ‘should not’ thinking I managed to go cut my hair.. There is something about cutting hair.. Every time I cut my hair I feel so good about it….It makes me feel so liberated, so confident, so full of energy…I feel like I am in total control of my life. After standing upto the resistance from my in laws (they believe that the daughter in laws ought to have long hair since it confirms to their idea of our culture) and convincing my husband (who felt that I look good with long hair) I finally went for it. It was so very awesome to see my hair dancing with joy….I don’t remember feeling so good ever before after having an hair cut and all the credit goes to my hair stylist….The layer cut that my hair stylist gave me looks awesome, although I must accept, initially I was a little skeptical about it.

My husband simply loved it. In fact he couldn’t stop praising in general…I felt good too. I simply can’t stop looking at myself in the mirror. A hair cut is not just cutting your hair, its also about cleansing your mind, just letting yourself be, taking a leap that you know you deserve, defying rules and having your own way

I think every woman must go for a hair cut……just to be in control of her life

The Pondicherry Trip

Alright!!! So its been a long while….and I am back from a short vacation and it was superb… Well! had been to Pondicherry during the long weekend and it’s a nice town especially the French part of Pondicherry is neat. We left home at around 8.00 am, went to the Vinayaka Temple, broke a coconut, took lord vigneshwara’s blessings to make our trip hassle free and then had breakfast at a nearby fast food restaurant. We got stuck on Hosur Road for quite some time and it was so very frustrating to be stuck amidst all those big and small vehicles. When traffic jam cleared it was 9.40am. We entered Tamil Nadu State and thereafter missed a turning thanks to no signs being placed at the right places. We went extra 20 kilometeres only to realize that we had come on a wrong route. After help from a few locals who guided us in their own little ways we managed to take another route meant to take us to Pondi. Well after lot of asking about and stopping for direction and stopping by for an hour for lunch at a very crowded restaurant we managed to reach Pondi sometime after four.

We checked in at the hotel and were not very happy with the room although it was not bad either. After freshening up we went to Adayar Anand Bhavan for some coffee and then to a famous vinayaka temple where we took snaps of a cute elephant all decorated with anklets and stuff. The temple being very close to Nehru Street which is supposedly the shopping centre of Pondi we went on the lookout for the right things to buy. And very soon we found them in the form of paper products. We purchased a lot of this stuff and picked up a lot of incense sticks. Although I had no intention to walk out of the shop finally I was forced to do so. We next went to the beach which was only a walk away from our hotel. It had gotten a little dark by then but that didn’t stop us from clicking snaps. We walked down the beach road and then came back to our hotel only to find that the restaurant attached to the hotel was jam packed. We decided to try out the roof top restaurant which was good in ambience but not good enough when it came to the menu. We were shocked to know that they did not have sea food (prawns, squid, and crabs) inspite of the fact that it was a coastal area. Well we had to be happy with whatever we got….and left the restaurant with a firm resolution of going coming back especially for food.

Next day being a Sunday all the shops were closed and we were a little disappointed at the fact that most of the shops were closed. After having a brunch at Adayar Anand Bhavan we left for Auroville and were excited to see a line of shops selling crafts and wood work on the Easst Coast road. Auroville was not as exciting as I thought it would be. We could not gain an entry to MatriMandir as we reached the place after 12.30 pm. Apparently they don’t issue entry tickets after 12.20. We shopped a little in the boutiques out there although most of the things were overly priced. In fact some of the stuff that we picked up outside Auroville was being sold there for three or four times the price.

It was four by the time we came back to our room and gulped down some Beer (and it felt amazing). After that we went to the restaurant at the hotel which was supposed to serve Chettinad cuisine. We had rice, prawns(less than average), crab (curry was superb where as crab pieces were only shells and no meat), fish curry chicken curry etc. Later we took rest and then went to the beach once again to click some more photos. There was a rock show happening at one of the restaurants on the beach side. After enjoying it for a while we got back to Nehru street this time for some more shopping. Came back to the hotel room had Dosa and chicken curry for dinner and crashed into the bed.

Monday-It was time to leave and Oh!! I felt so bad…So bad that I could do so little shopping….So bad that I coudn’t buy all that I wanted to……I think that’s one good thing about women, we never get tired of shopping…and nothing is good enough to satisfy us… We want more

The Great Fall..........

It is wih immense sadness that I write this.....The fall of the IT giant...Yes! I am indeed talking about 'Satyam'....Satyam meaning 'truth' in sanskrit...Ironical isnt it??? Lot of people have written already about the technical aspects of the downfall or fraud that has brought Satyam crashing down... But what I am thinking of is about Ramalinga Raju...The man behind the drama...Was he alone in this mess...can a fraud of this magnitude be committed by a single man....Is he smart enough or crooked enough to carry off such a game for so long a period without anyone in the organisation coming to know of it..........I really doubt it and I do strongly feel he was not alone in this game of lies.........

But I must admit, I do feel strongly for a man who till yesterday was at the pinnacle of glory but today he is a fallen bird, with wings that may never again gain the strength to fly that high again... A man who till yesterday was called the Entrepreneur of the year is today called the "Fraudster"...That is life...All of us have to go through that phase...although in our own ways......

I have a feeling Mr.Raju is a happy man today...I like to imagine that after many many years of sleepless nights he must have slept last night rather peacefully. That is the power of truth...it can relieve you from all kinds of chains and bondages....Only a true man is a free man...I believe thats exactly what Mr.Raju wanted to achieve...freedom...freedom from the falsehoods, lies that he has been telling the world for the last several years...freedom to look at himself in the mirror and say.."hey you! You are not a liar anymore"...I think Mr.Raju has achieved that with his resignation letter. This whole episode is indeed a huge setback for our country and various people associated with Satyam including the employees and shareholders and law must take its own course in dealing with all the persons responsible. But I must say that in my opinion Mr.Raju has seen the worst, for this is probably the greatest fall of his life..and I am sure now he is in a position to clear his conscience of all the past burdens and lead a life where he can chose to be honest...and also move on in his life..

A stitch in time saves nine.........

Lots of pending work........Trying to sort it out one by one.......Morning I had an argument with my husband...He wanted me to go to a dentist and sort out some of my dental problems over this weekend...some dental issues like tooth decay ( a few of them), gums coming off etc..( I know it is a little gory to read). Well then as usual we ended up arguing over it. I as usual found and invented reasons for not going to a dentist. He as always countered these reasons with more valid and reasonable ones. Finally I gave up and agreed to visit a dentist at sometime in the future.

I have always had a deep rooted fear for 'Dentists'. I always imagined dentists to be one bunch of cruel people who not having been able to secure better marks and subsequently medical seats have taken up their profession so that they may get back at the world in general. Well the truth is that I am shit scared of the pain that I have seen so many people go through and all the horrendous stories people have had to say about the things that happen inside those rooms. So I had always chosen to rather suffer the pain in silence than get grilled in my mouth by strange and funny looking instruments.

But now things must change...Its new year ...year of new hopes...I must do things that I have never done before....I must be bold and beautiful this year...I must do an act of courage that will put me up there. This is the year for new starts..for new beginings. So the dentists shall be given a chance to prove they are not as nasty as I imagined them to be....we must give everyone a chance....including ourselves....

As my hubby put it 'a stitch in time saves nine'............So let me see how many of my teeth I can save.......

New year blues

Oh its awful coming to work after a new year party.........wish I could just stay at home and sleep away to glory. Coming to work and having to work on a friday is so very irritating....Not that I am doing any work.....(Although I am supposed to).... Somebody had rightly said "life is all about choices"....if you make the right choice one you attain peace and happiness else you are doomed. So I have made a choice today, to make myself happy...I have chosen not to work..........to chill out and pile up my work for tomorrow. After all tomorrow is another day........

Alright So what do I do now???? Now that I have temporarily said goodbye to my work, I think I will make a wish list for the new year, of all the things I want to do this year of all the things I have craved for and havent done yet............

Alright what is that I want to start off my new year with.........Well I guess I want to buy shares.. I have been thinking about this for a very long time... Although I must admit I dont earn a lot, I earn enough to be able to save a little. Inspite of that I keep blowing up all my money..... So this year I am going to open a demat account and start investing 10% of my disposable income in shares and mutual funds......(sorry to all those who lost a huge chunk of their savings in the market crash, but I was very much haappy cause recession has made it possible for small time prospective investors like me to enter the market)

Nextly I am going to learn driving (Four Wheeler)...... I want to confess here that I have a fear of driving on roads. The fear is so immense that I get nightmares of me banging into someone on the road....So this year I ought to get over that fear and learn driving. Driving is certainly very important for any person these days...else u become totally dependent on others like uer spouse, friends, parents, siblings or worst autorickshaw drivers........ (I shall write separately on that aspect some other time...as auto drivers demand a different kind of attention)

Nextly I want to go on a holiday to an exotic place and pamper myself royal.....................

I want to read a book every month.....and thus by the end of the year want to have read atleast 12 books.

Also I want to become an active blogger........

Oh I forgot I want to learn cooking.......I want to cook different varieties of food and feed my hubby (who I must admit is a complete foodie) but sadly other than a fried rice I havent cooked anything for him after marriage (we will be completing one year of marriage very soon). So I want to learn to cook prawns, chicken, chinese food etc..........

I am feeling so sleepy.........I can see some of my colleagues outside in the balcony chatting over cups of tea.....Well I think I will go chat up with them.........................
Ba bye